I haven't used this site in ages, but was recently told to write a new post. For the past few weeks, I haven't been able to believe a word people say. Everything is b.s. in my book. This sounds horrible but I can't figure out the truth anymore. I'm tired of people saying that they care or that they love me when they don't back it up. Yea I know we all screw up but to the extent that I have is unfathomable somedays. Lately, all I feel is pain. I can't handle the stresses of others. I can't handle losing so many relationships back home due the fact that I am living here. They are all growing closer and pushing me away. My parents are just getting sicker in terms of health. My parents are not the legal guardians of my little brother anymore, so I have lost two brothers in 3 years. So I have gone from 7 siblings at holidays to 5, which was wierd during the summer but I have to get used to it. I am getting tired of a mundane life in Tampa. All I feel is stress and anxiety. All I want to do is stay in bed but I can't sleep. Its more like a safe place to hide. I go out just to please others. I have great friends closer than family but I can't enjoy their presence. They are amazing and I just feel like I hold them back. I also feel like too many people take advantage of the family feel and they tell everybody everything. I prefer secrets to remain secrets. I don't like things being that close. I guess, it's easier to fake the smile than let people in and cry. Have you ever cried in the shower? That's my new place. I have no incentive to do schoolwork. My 12 credits stinks because I am a Bio major. Definitely not doing 3 classes of Biology with labs ever again. I think I need a break from people for a while. Trying to go back to the basics with God. That's all you need anyway. I just need to focus on Him and everything will fall into place. Later! | 
